Eustace, in favor of returning to the gold standard, tried to get his congressman to introduce a bill that that would not only reinstate the gold standard but attach a rider stating that all goldfish should be weighed in Troy ounces. His congressman reminded him that all that glitters is not gold, and that was especially true for three for a dollar goldfish bought at Wal-Mart’s pet department . . .
After finding a patch of pretty good loco weed, the party got rolling along quite nicely until Harold started his “Call me Tiger” routine. The girls said, “You ain’t a big cat from India, and you’re certainly not a famous golfer–you’re just big old Harold with a bad dye job . . .”
Lyndsey was the first to admit, she was a bit of a bad girl–driving fast, sneaking a “roadie” beer, even going out with one of the “bad boys” from time to time. But when someone tweeted that she was the black sheep of her family, she thought the tweeter should have spent a little less time on social media and a little more time on basic biology . . .
When Juan went outside to see what was causing his chickens to fuss so much, he scanned the field, saw his prize rooster missing, and realized two things very quickly: That wasn’t Lassie, and his rooster wasn’t the road runner . . .
When a group of cannabis-smoking, new age holistic mystics saw Lucy’s ears and head appear to be on fire, they approached the rancher and asked to buy her. The rancher told them no: It was just a trick of the light, she was wholly cow, not a holy cow, and besides, she had a calf to nurse . . .
In addition to being a Texas rancher, Billy Tom was an avid Star Trek fan, from the original with Captain Kirk to Jean-Luc Picard to Captain Janeway. As he watched his cattle, he was convinced that they might be part of some Borg-like collective–it took twenty cows to reach a combined total of 100 IQ points, so no one of them did anything on their own. But was the group’s collective intelligence planning on taking over the world, like with “Cows with Guns” . . .? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI
