A selection of Various Birds
Stalking Threat
Juan had been very confused. Sure, he’d been a little thick-headed when his girlfriend called it quits, and perhaps he’d been a little too persistent. Then the girlfriend’s attorney, from New Jersey, told him they were getting a restraining order barring him from “storking” his former love. It took a while for him to understand that “stalking,” for the Joisey guys came out “storking.”
Drone On
Clarence, hearing all the hoo hah about private drones and privacy issues, thought he saw a market. So he went on Amazon and bought a GoPro and then ran a Craig’s List ad to find customers. He soon found out that Homeland Security, the FAA, DEA, CIA, the FCC, FBI and NSA were so busy downloading his streaming images that there was no band width left for his paying customers. The Alphabet guys were all insisting they were not using Clarence’s images for spying on Americans . . .
Shovel Ready Jobs
Karl and Claudia were disappointed; while summering in northern Wisconsin, they had heard that there were shovel ready jobs in Texas, and so migrated early. Even though they were Northern Shovelers by birth (hatching?) and had their own shovels, there were no jobs; all the funding had been spent on Solyndra.
Unemployed
Since the new Universal Health Care law went into effect, it had been tough on the storks. Private insurance didn’t cover baby delivery by stork– even if it had deep cultural roots with those of European descent–and the new health care law didn’t offer any hope either. What were they supposed to do, flip burgers? One wag suggested that instead of delivering babies, they deliver pizzas . . .
Not Presidential
While taking questions after a Rose Garden speech, the president was asked by the new Washington Post correspondent, “Is it true that every fifth word on your teleprompter is ummm . . .?”
Default Winner
Oswald had signed up as an independent in the race for governor as the champion of the Avian party. It had just been a joke with a stated goal of “Avian Equality”, but when the Democratic candidate got caught for improper campaign fund use, and the Republican candidate had been arraigned for misuse of power, Oswald had been the last man (bird?) standing. He wondered if he would have to give up his Barista job . . .