Ozzy was trying to hide from Belinda, his girl friend–he had stood her up and entirely missed their date. It had been accidental, he hadn’t meant to, but after watching the ball game with his buddies and having a couple of beers, he had fallen asleep in the big futon. Not knowing he had a date, his buddies just let him sleep. Why couldn’t this brush be a little taller . . .?
LaVerne really liked the old Three Stooges films, but he did wish his friends didn’t feel they had to call him “Curly” . . .
Surprisingly, when Jim, a Montana farmer, checked the fine print in the new Affordable Health Care Law, he found that architectural orthopedic care was available for historical barns like his (Page 2309, paragraph 3, subsection 21-b), but there was a waiting list. Once the architectural orthopedics facility being built in Hanover, New Hampshire was completed–which was expected to be not later than July 2037–Jim could bring his barn, but, of course, all transport costs were to be borne by the historical artifact (barn) owner. There was also a panel that would decide which historical artifacts (barns) would be accepted and which would be simply torched, even though torching may contribute to global warming. The Government insisted this was not an architectural “death panel” . . .
As part of a political inducement at election time, the locals had been promised all the alfalfa hay they could eat all winter. Turns out the hay feeders were as empty as a politician’s promise . . .
Enrique, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, had been told by his friends that if he wrapped his antlers in aluminum foil he could pick up AM radio and that way not miss Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity every day, and he might be able to get some of the AM oldies stations. He had two concerns: Would he miss NPR on FM, and would the foil make him an ungulate lightning rod in a thunder storm . . . ?
Andy was tired; no, worse, he couldn’t bear another April fools’ day joke. He was pretty sure his wife hadn’t left him for a clown, was pretty certain his boss hadn’t fired him and hired the same clown to replace him, and the clown hadn’t sold his children to wandering gypsies . . .
