For the Waters
Like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, Henri’s favorite line when asked why he was there was, “I came for the waters”. . . . David, Sf.G.
Flossing
Albin had just come from the dentist–getting his teeth cleaned for this year. As usual, the dental assistant harangued him about flossing. He told her that regular dental floss just didn’t work for him and clothesline was too big to do a good job; she suggested he try baling twine. Not only was it strong, but being a little rough would help to clean better. . . . . David, Sf.G.
Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Lyndon, not having a lot of hair to worry about, seldom looked in a mirror, but one day he did and, to his horror, saw all those yellow spots, and immediately thought he must have measles. His lack of a good classical education and the subsequent knowledge gap made him worry so he went to the emergency room only to be told, “Don’t worry, be happy!” by the Jamaican doctor. . . . . David, Sf.G.
The Night They Put the Chip in his Head
While at a family gathering, John’s sister asked about the big bumps on his head, but his father said every bullfrog has them. His brother suggested that after a night with the boys and a few too many beers he had just jumped too high and hit the bottom of the bridge. The uncle Huey, the conspiracy theorist, told everyone that while John had been intoxicated, they (either aliens or the KGB) had put a chip in his head and now could read all his thoughts and program some of their own in, so be careful . . . . David, Sf.G.
Where Rattles Come From
Like alligators (everyone else has crocodiles and caimans), rattlesnakes are found only in the Americas. Huey wondered where they got their rattle, and after several difficult months and the freedom of information act, he was able to discover that the rattles were grown in a covert organic rattle farm in Oregon and drop shipped to each rattlesnake several times a year, no charge, courtesy of the government. Now, the sequestration and lack of funding made it seem likely that the program would be cut, and another unique North American species would become ordinary. . . . . David, Sf.G.
Fear of Leeches
Until Gilbert–watching the classic movie channel–had seen the old Humphrey Bogart/Katharine Hepburn classic, African Queen, and had seen Bogey covered with leeches, he had never thought much about the problem. Now he was almost dehydrated, staying out of the water, fearing that leeches would attack and suck him dry of blood while in the water in spite of the tough scales that armored most of his body. . . . . David, Sf.G.