A selection of Various Birds
Not Quite Ready
Because he didn’t have his red throat yet, most of the world thought he was a chick, not a guy; he was too young for a driver’s (or pilot’s) license, his parents continually nagged him about hanging with the “bad boys” in the neighborhood, and they even nagged him about his music. Did they really think he was going to listen to Al Gore and the AlGoreRhythms in public?
Red
Clarence was finding that being beautiful had its rewards, but also its downside. Last Thursday, for instance, he had been asked if the Red meant he was Republican, or if he was Communist, and his Irish friends asked if it meant he was a British Red Coat, and finally he was asked if he was the scarlet colored Wild Beast mentioned in the Bible book of Revelation . . .
Lovin’ Spoonbills
The girls, desperately wanting to launch their music careers, all agreed that John Sebastian and the Lovin’ Spoonfuls from the late 1960’s and 70’s were the best. They thought that they might gain some brand recognition by calling themselves the Lovin’ Spoonbills. They were currently working on their version of Summer in the City . . .”Hot time, summer in the city . . .”
Nevermore
After his wife booked a nature hiking vacation in Arizona in the Sonoran desert in August (An un-researched eBay deal, cheap and now he understood why) and this year a rustic Alaskan vacation in February, all he could say when she started talking about Africa or India was “Nevermore!”
Mockery
Timothy, a true mockingbird, could imitate anyone, Vladimir Putin, Ronald Reagan, Billy Mays, Madonna, any of the British royals, Lady Gaga . . . anyone. He was growing frantic, though; if he didn’t develop a style of his own, he’d be condemned to B list hotel lounges doing Elvis, Bruce Springsteen and Tom Jones requests for drunk tourists and road warriors for the rest of his life . . .
Exploitation
Petey was unhappy; his plan for riches hadn’t materialized. He had called his lawyers to get them to file an animal exploitation lawsuit on behalf of his family against the St. Louis baseball team and tried to get it ruled a class action suit against all teams using animal names like Timberwolves, Wolverines, the Grizzlies, the Orioles, the Sea Hawks and the Devil Rays. Right Away, the Catholic Church wanted in–the Padres, the Saints, and the Angels. When it was suggested that the teams use numbers, somebody asked what about offending Numerologists and mathematicians. Just too many slices in that pie . . .