All You Can Eat
The new job with Homeland Security patrolling the Rio Grande to stop smugglers and illegals didn’t pay much but had a great “all you can eat” provision . . .
Drone On
Clarence, hearing all the hoo hah about private drones and privacy issues, thought he saw a market. So he went on Amazon and bought a GoPro and then ran a Craig’s List ad to find customers. He soon found out that Homeland Security, the FAA, DEA, CIA, the FCC, FBI and NSA were so busy downloading his streaming images that there was no band width left for his paying customers. The Alphabet guys were all insisting they were not using Clarence’s images for spying on Americans . . .
Homeland Security Deal
Everyone including Izzy (pictured) was happy with the new “Living Drone” raptor program with Homeland Security to guard borders and do other sensitive surveillance where camouflaging a drone to look like a raptor just wouldn’t work. Fitting Izzy and his buddies with a harness for FLIR (forward looking infrared radar) for operating when overcast or at night had been easy. Fitting the Hellfire missiles as originally planned, though, just wasn’t going to work. The only ones not happy were, of course, PETA, who thought that the raptors were being exploited (“all this dangerous flying for a few fish and meat scraps”), the ACLU, who thought it was illegal to have an eagle search without a warrant, and Al Gore, who thought the eagle–to be green–should be solar-powered . . . . . David, Sf.G.