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Gary (pictured) had had a tough night; first he heard that wrestling was fake, then that Lady Gaga was really a guy, that Oprah was retiring, and that Michael Jackson wasn't really dead but doing charity work in Haiti. The final straw had been the news report that Mike Pence had run off with Madonna and been elected to be prime minister of Israel. It seemed as though he was living in a web of deceit . . .
Just Like Tom Cruise
When Kelly told his buds he was looking for a mate, they all said, “You’re just a little guy, won’t the girls notice?”
“So’s Tom Cruise; he does all right with the girls, and he’s only got 2 legs,” replied Kelly . . .
First Date
Ronnie (right) had met Clarissa (left) on Facebook, and it seemed from their on-line correspondence that they were ideally suited for each other; from her picture, she was a real beauty. When they finally met face to face, Ronnie realized that the online pictures hadn’t given him any clue about size . . .
I Want to Hold Your Hand
When “I Want To Hold Your Hand” was playing at the Beatles Revival Party, Twyla Sue, a brown widow spider, found it difficult to find a dance partner. Which of the four hands should he hold was one question potential partners asked, and would she eat him when the dance was done . . .
Excess Luggage Charge
Tabitha (pictured) was miffed. Since her husband had passed away, she had been saving her money to take a trip to visit her family. She had viewed her egg sack as carry-on luggage, but the airline’s new rules said it didn’t qualify–they insisted that she either purchase another seat, or pay the fee to have it travel as checked luggage . . .
